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Good morning. It’s an honor to be here with you on this momentous occasion. Congratulations. You did it!

Welcome, fellow students, to past graduates, faculty, friends and family. And Happy Father’s Day to all those proud fathers out there.

Thank you to President Beilock, the Board of Trustees, all the staff who have made this day possible and to you all for this invitation..

I never attended university myself. Only played characters who have. So thank you for helping fulfill my parents’ dream of me actually getting a degree. And a doctorate at that!

I know it’s honorary.

Actually, it was Shonda Rhimes, one of your alums, and my former boss, who called me.
And when she presented the offer to come speak to you all, I thought…

Huh- Well, that’s nice to be asked. What a privilege, and what a great opportunity to come meet you all…
And then I thought —

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Oh my God, What do I have to say — OK, this was me thinking — What could I possibly say to you young graduates that could meet this moment we find ourselves in?

—  OMG Federer’s speech last year was so good
— I can’t be as funny as Conan O’Brien
—  Or Mindy Kaling. I look at everything she has accomplished and I just wanna go to bed.

And they all spoke in the Before Times.

You know what I mean. Like, forget being roasted on the internet --
Although I am terrified of that --

What if I say the wrong thing? What if I were to talk about -- DIVERSITY? EQUITY?

OK, uh, what if I changed the words, like, Including Diverse Equalness -- or Diverting Equitable Inclusivity?
Would that still be bad? Could I get deported?

See, that should be a bad joke and it is but it’s NOT.

These are bewildering and destabilizing times. And every night since Shonda asked me, I have been thinking of you all --

And I knew no matter what I was going to say to you today, I needed to be honest.

I realized that underneath this Discomfort I was feeling — the fear, the comparison, the self-judgment — was really a call — to come and share myself with you, despite these doubts.

So, if there’s anything I can offer to you today, from my own life, it’s this.

Nothing has taught me more than being with discomfort.

It can be our greatest learning opportunity. And it is also Inevitable.

So, if you can train yourself not to turn away, but to learn to be with your discomfort — and trust that it might be telling you something you don’t yet know.

It can help you develop an inner strength that will enable you to face the challenges life presents you with, without losing your values or your sense of self along the way.

As some of you know, I had the great privilege of playing Dr. Cristina Yang on �Ұ����’s Anatomy for 10 seasons. This opportunity brought me financial stability, fame and privilege.

It was also one of the most challenging decades of my life. I learned profound lessons during this time, because so much of it was so uncomfortable.

When I started �Ұ����’s, I was in my early 30s. So I had an idea of who I was, and what the work entailed. But I had no idea what was coming.
I demanded a lot. From myself and from the writers.

If something in a script bothered me, I would fight for what I believed was right for the character of Cristina because I felt responsible for her.

And while this contributed to the creation of a memorable character — my desire to make the dialogue fit —  my belief that i knew what was best for the character --

Also caused grief. For the writers, and for me. Let me tell you, there was a dedicated “Sandra Whisperer” on staff. Oh yes - a writer who was tasked to come to set to deal with me.

That doesn’t happen anymore. I am my own whisperer.

One time, I think it was season 6? The writers and I were at an impasse about something in the script -- I had to have a call with the Big Boss. And Shonda, I’ll never forget. She said to me:

“Sandra. We’ve been here before. You’ve got to trust me. Something will come through — if you just say the damn words.”

OK, I know she didn’t say that exactly, because Shonda’s a very classy lady.

But It has stayed with me. I heard her. I thought about everything the writers and I had created together, and how hard they all worked --

And I trusted Shonda. Because deep down, we both wanted the same thing. A great show.

The discomfort didn’t suddenly go away in that moment, but my relationship to it began to change. I started to understand that it was part of the process of making a great show, or a great ANYTHING…

So I SAID THE DAMN WORDS.

And when I stopped trying to bend things to my will, and stayed open to my discomfort --
A new thing came through – Something that wasn’t just mine, or just the writers, but something richer, that gave me a deeper understanding of myself as the character, as an actor and as a collaborator.

Oh —  it’s not like I’ve stopped pushing and fighting. I’m not suggesting that -- but I no longer see these uncomfortable impasses as battles to be won or lost.

They are opportunities —  to practice how you want to show up, how you want to lead, who you want to be. Clues to where the gold is buried.

And by gold, I mean like the really deep work of life that will help you become a more grounded, more resilient version of yourself.

Which you’re going to need going forward, because life is going to challenge you in ways you cannot anticipate. Things will happen that are completely out of your control.

This was true for me on �Ұ����’s.
Beyond the creative process, which I did have some say in, there were Other things happening that were completely out of my control.

My skin was falling off, I was afraid to leave my house, the relentless schedule was completely overwhelming.
And I got sick.
Physically and mentally —  I was past my limit.

And all the ways I had previously managed to muscle through mental and physical discomfort simply weren’t working --

Because turns out, you can’t ghost depression, or outsource a panic attack.

The show must go on. Life is simply not going to stop for you.

The more I wanted my external circumstances to change, the worse I felt.

Things only started to stabilize when I looked inside.

Even if you’re in perfect health right now, which I hope you are, I bet you feel discomfort about things you can’t control.

Maybe you’re worried about finding a job, or moving away from friends.

Maybe you’re worried about the dismantling of civil rights and liberties, or the planet burning, or the robots taking over.

Maybe you desperately want to make a difference, and you have no idea where to start.

Whatever the reason, one way to start building some muscle around this discomfort is to actually be in it by choice. Tiny, bite sized moments where you can practice being with it safely.

And one way I’ve practiced doing this is to be — in silence. (Stay with me)

Being in silence has helped me develop an inner life. And what I mean by that is having a relationship with yourself that is beyond your immediate thoughts. Beyond your immediate feelings. Beyond just reacting.

Because if we’re always reacting, if we’re always distracted —  we can’t fight for the things we want, because we won’t even know what they are.

So What if we just try… Bite-sized discomfort.

SILENCE

How was that? Anxiety-provoking? Confusing? Did you want to reach for your phone?

It’s interesting, isn’t it? How much is going on up there (and in here), when we try to be quiet. And how often what we find is neurotic, or judgmental or scared.

So how do we find ease within discomfort? Without turning away, or being thrown off balance?

The way that I’ve tried to be with this… is to be kind.

Kindness can be hard to find these days.

It’s certainly not reflected in many of our world leaders, who claim power through fear and oppression and cruelty.

A lot of us are scared and angry about what’s going on in the world.

In times like these, kindness might seem naive or pointless.

But when I say kindness, I’m not talking about “being nice.” I’m talking about being able to hold your own heartbreak, so we can go on living -- go on resisting, go on building, go on healing.

So we can meet cruelty again and again and not lose our humanity.

The kindness I’m talking about encompasses courage, respect and compassion. It helps us get out of bed in the morning, it helps us to lead. It’s the opposite of weakness -- it’s the foundation for a lasting strength.

And it’s really hard to be truly kind. To have kind thoughts towards yourself, or towards someone you don’t agree with.
But it’s the Seed, that will grow into action, if you nurture it.

If you’re not sure about the feeling I’m talking about, or you find kindness difficult to access cause it’s like an amorphous wishy wash -- what about heartbreak? Can you feel heartbreak?

I bet everyone here knows heartbreak; if you’re living in this world, you know heartbreak.

So, now, imagine this heartbreak -- whether it’s as personal as a break up or as big as a war thousands of miles away.

Imagine you’re holding it in your hands. What shape is it? Is it heavy? Does it have a color? Maybe it’s burning your palms, or slipping through your fingers, or it’s so large you can barely contain it.

Can you hold it with care, and maybe keep it safe, just for this moment? Can you hold your heartbreak with tenderness, give it your loving attention, and keep it steady?

This, this is kindness.

You have all been incredibly fortunate to spend these formative years here, in a place that celebrates knowledge, and has given you the opportunity to express yourselves. If you want to protect academic freedom, if you want to stop the brutality of oppression, if you want true, democratic change… If you want to just live a simple and good life…

The strength you will need to do these things begins with knowing kindness.

So as you venture off, into the rest of your lives, I hope you remember that feeling we just shared and fill up on it. Then extend it outward, toward others, towards the planet. Because we will all need a full arsenal of kindness to meet this world.

And now, more than ever --Actually, you know what, there’s one more thing- I’m so sorry, Do I have time for--

OK there’s this one thing that I’ve been doing my whole life I’d like to share with you all.

So, uh, let’s all just,stand up. Please, everyone stand up. If you’re able, or just shift position. We’re practicing discomfort.

When the world gets hard —  or when it’s good —  especially when it’s good —  like today

By yourself, with people you love or strangers --take the time to — 

DANCE IT OUT. We have 15 seconds to move our bodies together!

Try and hold onto that feeling. Carry it and care for it and give it to others — 

Thank you!